Satisfied

(Doc. MarTech Series)

Looking back into my past, it was horrible. But I have to admit, the me today is the creation of those horrible experiences. Alhamdulillah, Allah swt loves me so much.

I hate maths, I hate science, I hate calculations, and most of all, I hate most of my classmates--they're terrible. But since my grandma won't let me attend the vocational school I wanted, I had to let go of what I like and go with it; entering secondary school (senior high) that focusing in science. Ha! Science! Not that I don't want to learn that subject, but I just can't! My brain wasn't created for learning such an amazing subject, I'm sorry.

But! Because I entered the school, I met my best friend. Let's say his name is AI. He's an amazing person when it comes to science, specifically in physics. He was also a popular student. If I didn't attend the school, I wouldn't met him. We would never became best friend. He's my best of best friend, and we already befriended for 6 years.

I hate how strict my grandma was to me and my younger brother. Yes, I lived with my grandma for my whole senior high. I know I have to respect the elder, but why can't I have my freedom? Why can't she understand me? All of my activities were based on money. She is a very strict person when it comes to money, yes, but I don't think forbid me to do what I want is right. All I have to focused was study, study, study, study, studyyyyyyyyyyyy, UGH! Dancing, competition (other than English competition), organisation, holidays, those are somewhat restricted for me. Sadly, I can't ride a motorbike, so I can't go anywhere as I please. It was like human in prison, with only food, drinks, and textbooks as companies.

But! She helped me a lot with my financial, even until now. I don't what will I be right now if I can't enter college just because I can't paid the fees. I don't know where I am right now if grandparents weren't there to help me and my brother.

I hate children. Yes, you read it correct. Children are annoying in my eyes, sorry. If I have to deal with children, then I have to wear my "happy" mask. That's annoying, sorry. I really can't handle children, even though I have two little siblings.

But! I had an opportunity to teach some children to learn English. You know, I was a Private English Teacher. Then after my family moved--technically--back to Jakarta, many children loves to talk and get to know me. It's, wow? Kiddos, I dislike all of you, but every single one of you are being nice to me? I'm shocked, but I please accept my gratitude, hahaha.

I hated myself when I have to became a gap year student. I was supposed to enter college right after I graduate from senior high, but no, I had to wait for a year. I thought, again, I have to live inside of a cage. No freedom. My grandma even had to lie to neighbours about me become a student in Yogyakarta. My dad almost lost his life because he overthink about my gap year matter. He walked on a train road when the security told him to move forward, but he spaced out.

But! If I think again right now, it's a miracle from Allah swt. I entered college a year before, when the dance club of this college were at the peek of "failure", then what would I be in this club? Yeah, I'm part of the dance club too. The year when I entered college is the best year for joining this dance club, as many people said.

I hate something so strict, where I can't use my creativity as I please. So when my dad told me to choose the news major when entering college, I immediately rejected it. Why should I add more torture in my life? I remember correctly how dissatisfied my dad was when I chose the non-news programme major, hahaha, sorry dad.

Then I joined an online media college organisation. It's about news, of course, but I push myself that I have to be a part of this team. I can write, I like to research (not too deep, I mean), I love to challenge myself, and I thought I have to repay what my dad did to me. Well, he was so passionate about entering me to the news major before. I told my interviewer that I want to become a part of this team, because I want to do something related to the news major. My dad wanted me to enter the news major but I rejected it.

And! Look at me now! I can say I'm satisfied with my progression in this organisation. I was a Sport Editor and now I'm a Lifestyle Editor. There are lots of interesting things I learned by joining this team, such as SEO, journalism, news writing, how to interview, et cetera.

All of these "hate" things are so precious to me right now. It's just like what my other best friend said, "Terbentur untuk membentuk" (Collided to form). Yes, she's right. I know the me right now is "crazy", but I'm satisfied enough to say I can look back to those horrible past.